Dear Daughter,
One skillset you are going to need in both life and business is good negotiation skills. We all want to be able to stand up for ourselves, get what we deserve and fight for what we think is right, and good negotiation skills will help you achieve that. Good negotiations doesn’t have to mean that you always win. I would say that good negotiations are when both parties feel good about the outcome, in other words a win-win situation when everyone walks away happy. Having a win-win attitude is also going to position you as a leader, since you will be known as a fair and respectful professional and negotiator.
The first thing you need to do when negotiating is listening. You need to truly listen so that you can understand the other party’s goal, motivations and strategy. I always try to put myself in my counterpart's shoes. What are they trying to get out of this negotiation? What is their main goal? What is driving their behavior right now? I analyze every move, statement and face expression n my opponent. And just as much I study my opponent, I need to understand where my own strength and weakness lie. Knowing my own weakness, I know which negotiation traps to avoid, and where I need to push the conversation to focus on my strengths. Before I walk into a negotiation I’ve mapped out this bargain power like any other well planned project. I make sure I’m super clear on what my own goal is and what matters to me. Is the outcome of the negotiation more important to me than the relationship with my opponent? Am I willing to give up my position in the negotiation to maintain the relationship? I also always try my best to maintain my focus on the matter we are negotiating and not letting any person judgement or emotions influence my negotiation approach.
I have of course been through many negotiations that haven’t gone well. And that is ok, that is how we learn. Negotiation skills take time to build. If you see a negotiation starting to go downhill or not in the direction you had planned, it is a good idea to pause and regroup later. A negotiation that hits a standstill is never good for any of the parties. Just ask to take a break. This doesn’t have to reflect negatively on anyone. Just say “I think it would be beneficial to take a break here. I want us both to be happy with this negotiation, and if we continue this later we can both come back with a new positive energy”. You then use that break to analyze the conversation you just had. What new facts were presented that you were not aware of? Did you witness any new traits in your opponent that you can use when the negotiations continue? Analyze, analyze and analyze, listen and learn. Repeat!
It’s going to be interesting next time you and I negotiate. I might have just set myself up to be beaten!
