Dear Daughter,
I’m never going to forget when you were in 2nd grade, and you told me that you were so happy that I was not a stay-at-home, minivan driving mom (btw - I have a lot of respect for stay-at-home moms!), wine drinking (I remember I jumped at that observation) and that you were proud of that I had a career. I started crying. To hear those words from your daughter when you are a mother working in the agency world where 60 hrs/week was standard, at the same time you are trying to be there for your 8 year old daughter and two year old son was like music to my soul. The guilt slipped away for a short moment (because the guilt is always there). I was doing something right! My daughter didn’t feel neglected. She was proud of me!
I knew even before I had children that I didn’t want to be a stay-at-home mom. I had this inner drive and energy for entrepreneurship that constantly inspired new ideas, and I wanted a career. That didn’t mean that I didn’t want children and a family. I love children and it was always part of the plan. I just knew that I wouldn’t be a good mom if I didn’t get a chance to also have a career, and be able to act on my ideas and dreams.
I’ve always worked hard to spend every free minute with you and your brother, and I’ve tried hard not to show my stress and tiredness to you. Every weekend was family time, and I always made sure I only went back online to work after you went to bed. I do the same now when you and your brother are older. You guys are my first priority, and always will be.
I’m telling you this because I want you to know that you can have it all. It won’t be easy all the time, but you can do it. The trick is to focus 100% on what is in front of you at the moment. When I’m at work I only focus on work. If I would have thought about you and your brother during the day, especially when you were babies, I would have crawled up in a ball crying since I missed you so much. But I didn’t allow myself. Also, by being mindful and focusing on the task at hand I was always super efficient at work, and I still am. And then when I got home to you guys I focused wholeheartedly on you and your brother. I always made sure we had a family sit-down dinner together every evening, spent time before bedtime to talk about the day and to read books. It’s about focus and planning. This way neither you, nor your family feel neglected. By using this approach I even got promotions at work when you and your brother were little. My mission is to be a role model for you every day and show you what is possible. Women can have it all!
Love,
Mamma